I could read my life away. I really could.
One of the main reasons I started this blog was because I knew it would force me to do more with my life than just read.
On the other hand, I could have a wonderful blog all about books.
But other people’s blogs have inspired me to do more than just think about living an abundant life; I truly want to live one. Besides, it’s not just about me. I know God doesn’t want me to read my life away; and anyway, I have kids. I would hate for them to grow up and tell people, “All I can ever remember my mom doing is reading—reading, all the time.” What a sorry legacy that would be.
Oh, but I love to read. I’m a bookaholic. You should see my bookshelves. They are crammed, absolutely stuffed, full of books. Books are my weakness (well, one of my weaknesses). I can never seem to have enough.
I have a large collection of books I’ve enjoyed, as well as an ever-growing collection of books I want to read. They clog my shelves in double, sometimes triple, rows. They are stacked in, in an organized sort of willy-nilly, tucked into every nook and cranny.
I look at my books, and I feel happy. When I didn’t have access to more than just a few of them for the whole year we lived in North Carolina, I missed them terribly. When we moved to Florida and I got to unpack box upon box of books, it was like seeing old friends again. Wonderful!
A couple of months ago, I started thinking: What if I did an experiment? What if, for, say, three months or so, I decided to let God be in complete control of my life? What if I pushed Kimberly out of the picture and replaced her with Jesus? What I mean is, if Jesus were living my life, what would it be like? How would it be different, and how would it be the same?
A couple of things immediately came to mind. 1) My house would probably be a lot neater, because Jesus would never slack off in doing the chores. And 2) I had this vision of Him standing at my bookshelves and swiftly removing anything that would not edify my mind or feed my soul in a godly way. There went all those secular romances novels! (Though, I confess, since my conversion, such books have had less and less appeal to me—yesterday’s post reflects that change of heart.)
I kind of forgot about that “experiment” idea. But then one day when I was reading Lanier Ivester’s blog, I suddenly had this inspiration that I would like my shelves to be filled with “only with the very best” books (as Martha Stewart would say). I envisioned gorgeous volumes on gardening, housekeeping, decorating, and cooking/baking; non-fiction works to enhance and enrich my faith; wonderful Christian fiction novels; useful parenting books; old favorites by such authors as L.M. Montgomery, Gene Stratton Porter, Louisa May Alcott, Laura Ingalls Wilder; newer favorites by the likes of Marcia Willett and Maeve Binchy; and my complete collection of “Sunfire” romances, a line of “girl name” historicals put out for young girls by Scholastic Books in the 1980s—oh, how I loved and still treasure those sweet books!
So, I’ve had all this in the back of my mind lately.
Today, I was meaning to de-clutter my kitchen table, which is piled shamefully high with newspapers, junk mail, kids’ toys, catalogs, magazines, and whatnot and who-how. Thankfully, we have a separate dining room table that we manage to keep free of stuff; but the kitchen table has gotten to be such a disaster that I can’t take it anymore. It hasn’t been completely cleared off since January—and here we’re meant to be using it as extra workspace for food preparation, since we have so little counter space in our kitchen as it is.
In typical Kim-fashion today, though, I found myself getting caught up in a book. I did have the two little ones to look after, but between diaper changes and fixing snacks and lunches and all the rest, I spent every spare moment with my nose in The Catholic Mystique, a collection of stories about women who have made the “journey home” to the Catholic church. (What a fascinating book! I will post more about it when I’ve finished reading it.)
As I read about these amazing women who answered God’s call to become Catholic, I kept finding myself thinking of my shelves of books. Our life’s work as Christians is to become more holy, more like Christ, and I know—just know, in the very depth of my being—that my attachment to books is unhealthy. It’s easy to go where God calls when we already want to go there ourselves. But when we feel Him calling us to something we’re not all that enthusiastic about…..well, that’s just hard.
So I sat there today starting to get kind of nervous. God was calling me, right there, through the pages of that book, to cull. He wants me to get rid of any books that will not edify my mind or feed my soul in a godly way.
Can I tell you how much I am resisting this? So much so that I started to feel like I was going to hyperventilate. Panic!
“But I haven’t even read some of those books yet!” I protested.
“Get rid of them anyway,” said He. “Your soul will be the better for it.”
“But I paid money for those books!” I countered.
“So what?” said He. “Let this be a sacrifice.”
Incredible that God allows us to sacrifice stuff that is totally unworthy of Him. We give things up, as if that somehow makes up for all He’s done for us. Yet, where God is concerned, it is the thought—the heart and the obedience behind our actions—that counts.
When (not “if” anymore, for it is going to happen) I cull my collection of books, it is going to hurt like the dickens. The very fact that I know this shows precisely how emotionally attached I am to the contents of my bookshelves. Still, I know when I’m through that I am going to feel amazingly, incredibly FREE! I imagine it will be similar to how I felt after I did my first Confession back in July (i.e., 50 pounds lighter!).
I pray for the grace to do this, and do it entirely with no holding back. Jesus will be watching over my shoulder; I’m counting on Him to keep tabs on what I’m keeping and to wrest from my greedy clutches whatever He would not desire me to read!
(Photo courtesy of Microsoft Clip Art Gallery.)
