Epistles from Echowood

I had no idea that my husband had any interest in the musings of my blog until last night. After getting a mild version of the cold shoulder from him for a week, I finally asked him what was going on.

Well, he’d read this post, and it had made him really angry. He very much took exception to my assumption that he was not interested in growing his faith or in being the spiritual head of our household.

He said, “I think you don’t know anything about my relationship with God.”

I said, “Well, that’s because you never talk to me about it.” (Which is true.)

So last night, we talked. And talked and talked and talked. It was exhausting. But I learned so much about him, and I am so grateful for that that, even as I type this, I am starting to get teary-eyed.

He does want to be the spiritual head of our household. He has just been holding back because he is afraid of the conflict it would cause between us. But our boys are still so young. I think we both realize that, at this point, it’s not about trying to convince them to accept one brand of Christianity over another, but simply about loving them and teaching them what the Bible says and setting a good example for them of how to follow Jesus.

I thought my husband never prayed. Turns out, he prays at least as much as I do, and sometimes probably more. But as he noted, “I just don’t advertise it.” Well, okay. But he’s been known to hide his light under a bushel, from my perspective; I guess because he’s such a private, reserved person. I can understand his reluctance to share with strangers, but my being his wife and all….well, it would be nice if he would talk to me about things more. So I told him that.

We talked a lot about Catholicism. Perhaps in part because he has a mathematician’s mind, Brian requires excellent proof before he accepts things to be true. He’s very analytical. He’ll spot inaccurate comments made on television commercials (such as the recent, “Most car accidents happen on Friday afternoons between 3 and 6 p.m.”—something like that). I hear stuff like that and don’t give it a second thought; his sharp mind immediately zeros in on the improbability of such a statement, and we have a good laugh. (Because really, who actually believes that more than 50% of all car accidents happen on Friday afternoons?!)

Anyway. He explained to me that he has seen no concrete evidence to prove that the Catholic church has the authority that it claims to have. Even though Jesus gave certain authority to Peter and certain special abilities to the apostles (healing, speaking in tongues, etc.), we no longer find priests or pastors doing those things on a regular basis. How does the “laying on of hands” business guarantee that the exact authority given to Peter is the same authority given to these others who come into high positions in the Church?

Furthermore, he feels that the Church takes some nice things that were already there (the Bible, some early writings) and keeps adding and adding and adding to them, making its newly defined doctrines/dogma binding upon all the faithful—”You must believe this, or you’re not really a Christian.” The best example of this would be the various Marian doctrines. In spite of the many analogies—Mary as The New Eve, Mary as The Ark of the New Covenant—Brian feels there is no way that we can know for an absolute fact that Mary was immaculately conceived or that she was assumed into heaven. These are theories on something that is undecidable. Mary could just as well have been a simple, humble-yet-imperfect woman whom God chose to be Jesus’ mother. God is God, He can do things however He wants. Why does the Church always have to insist it has the answer for everything?

And most of all, it grieves my husband deeply that the Catholic church does not intercommune with other Christians. One may not receive the Eucharist unless one is Catholic. One may not profess to be Catholic unless one believes all of the various “binding on the faithful” doctrines that have been put forth.  And even those who are Catholic may not receive Communion unless they meets all the “criteria.” Brian feels that Jesus’s beautiful gift of self is being used as a political tool.

Even though I myself don’t have a problem with Church authority, I absolutely see where he is coming from. I don’t know how to reconcile all these things. Is there a way to prove that the current pope has all the exact authority that Jesus gave to Peter? Why does the Church insist on hyper-defining things that might be better left as Mystery? Does it truly matter to our Lord if a person receives His Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist without believing every single thing the Church teaches? (There are certainly huge numbers of Catholics who aren’t faithful to those teachings—witness the something like 90% of Catholics who think it’s okay to use artificial contraception. But what about non-moral issues, such as the Marian doctrines?)

I cannot answer these questions for myself, let alone for my husband.

All I do know is that, for me, in the end, it came down to a question of unity. If we Christians are supposed to be the Mystical Body of Christ and the Bride of Heaven, then hadn’t we better be together, as one visible body of believers? It has never—ever—made sense to me that there are all these different churches. That there are thousands upon thousands of different denominations, all claiming to know what’s right and splitting up if not everyone agrees. Unity among Christians is never going to happen if we all of us stay in our separate little churches and refuse to cooperate, compromise, and accept each other.

We all know that the Roman Catholic church screwed up big-time in the past. But it is still the Catholic church. It’s the biggest and has the most influence over the most people. I am firmly convinced that if Christians are ever to have that unity we so desperately need, the Catholic church is going to have to be at the helm, with the grace of God and the love and prayers of many finally making it happen.

Will it happen? Probably not in our lifetime. I just came to a place in my own life where I knew that if I was going to be a Christian, I was going to have to become a Catholic or forgo church attendance altogether. I’ve done that whole “Jesus and me” thing, and I have to say that, for me, at least, it was not terribly effective. We’re meant to be in community with each other—the Bible says that very clearly.

My husband is a Lutheran because he feels they “get things just about right.” He knows the Lutheran church is not perfect. But unless and until he feels God prompting him, unquestionably, to go elsewhere, that is where he is going to stay.

And I am proud of him for that. I truly am.

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Now I’m off to finish packing for our trip to St. Pete. Have a fantastic 4th of July, everyone!