The Fate of This Blog…

Dear Friends,

I was kind of looking forward to the one-year anniversary of my blog (next month).  I’ve been working on some things that I wanted to post, including my conversion story, which is finally finished.  A year ago today, I received the Sacrament of Confirmation in the Catholic Church.  Last night after Mass, I stopped to give Father Michael a hug and remind him of the date and tell him what a blessing it has been to me to be part of the Catholic Church (and my parish, especially).  I started crying, and I couldn’t stop.  (If you know me, you know I never let anyone see me cry, except my husband, and maybe my mom.)

As much peace, joy, and love as I have received since becoming a Catholic, there has been a near equal amount of heartache, due to the fact that my husband and certain dear friends do not share the Catholic part of my Catholic Christian faith.

This blog was begun in the first place for me to be able to write about my family, my home, my projects (though I’m never doing enough of those), and my faith.  Probably even most of all my faith.  That’s why I listed my blog with the Catholic Mothers Online blogroll.  There are so many things rambling around in this brain of mine, especially things having to do with Catholicism, and I liked the idea of being able to write about them and know they would be read by other women like me.   However, I also shared my blog address with my mom and with certain close friends, so that they could visit me here anytime they wanted to know what I’ve been up to and see pictures of my kids, the flowers around my house, and so forth.  Many months into my experience as a blogger, I discovered that, unbeknownst to me,  my husband had been reading my blog, too.

I have met some terrific people—people who’ve become friends to me—all because of blogging.  Some of these new friends are not Catholics (one of the dearest belongs to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints).  Catholic Mothers Online has been a great way to connect with others, give and get support, and make new friends.  In many ways, blogging has been such a blessing in my life.

On the other hand, because my “readership,” as it were, consists of so many different folks—strangers who pop in via search engine links, family, personal friends, Internet friends, Protestants, Catholics, whatever—I find myself walking this fine line between wanting to express myself (my true self) and trying to be careful not to say anything that could offend someone or get my husband angry with me.  I know some are here only to know the general stuff—how are the boys, and what are you cooking for supper?—but others seem to respond more to the posts about religion and other “big” topics.  Not all of those responses have been favorable.  I and my blog are not existing in a perfect Catholic bubble.

The fact is, I cannot separate my faith from my everyday existence.  I can’t write about my boys and my cooking and my plants and pretend my Catholic faith is non-existent.  Yet, I have people reading my blog who get offended (or at least a little bit miffed) every time I say anything about being Catholic.  At this point, I feel like I can’t say anything about Christianity at all without ticking somebody off.  And then I get upset and/or feel bad that I’ve offended someone.

I’ve thought about getting back to more regular private journaling as a way to express some of my thoughts on these matters.  That would be fine.  But I’m not sure I have enough “secular” things going on in my life in order to keep up a blog.  It’s time consuming, and sometimes I’m not comfortable with the fact that all this “stuff” about me and my family is just sitting out there in cyberspace for anyone to read (even if it is semi-anonymous).  Part of me thinks that, if I wasn’t blogging, my heart, head, and hands would be more free to do other more important and interesting things.  (And then, my husband and I would have to have our religious discussions face-to-face, rather than in the public forum of my blog—something I’ve been wishing would happen, anyway.)

So I don’t know where to go from here.  I guess I’m just wondering if all this is worth it.  Worth my time, worth the horrible, yucky feeling I get in the pit of my stomach every time I discover that something I’ve written has made someone upset.

I guess I’m asking for your thoughts.  If you’ve been a lurker until now, please come out of hiding and speak up.  I’d just like to have a better idea of who is reading my blog and why.

I await your comments.  The fate of this blog is in your hands.

Peace to all.

~ Kimberly