Wimping Out

Chapter Five of my novel went swimmingly until I got to the last scene.

In the first place, I had to have my characters speak convincingly about something I know next to nothing about—the subject of trigonometry.  Being married to a mathematics professor was not really of help in this particular instance.  It may be that, at some point, I will have to purchase an actual high school trigonometry text book and have my husband help me solve some of the problems.  Imagine, my re-learning Trig at the same time my protagonist does!  For now, however, I’ve found some useful information on the Web that will have to suffice.  This is only my first draft, after all.

In the second place, I came to a Big Dramatic Moment—really the first such moment in my story—and I really struggled with how to write it.  I write my chapters by hand first, and after my initial attempt, I ended up writing myself a note at the end that said, “Hmm.  Try Again.”  I knew I’d be better off at the computer, where I could rearrange and add and delete ’til I got things just how I wanted them.

So, last night, I typed Chapter Five.  Loved it, had fun, plugged in those Trig terms I was so leery of dealing with.  And then I got to the Big Dramatic Moment and had to face that place on my sheet of note paper that said, “Hmm. Try Again.”  It’s no fun to be type-type-typing along and then come to a spot like that.  It means I actually have to WORK!

Delete-delete-delete-delete.

Try again.

So I tried some things, and I thought it was okay.  You know, “good enough.”  For the time being, anyway.  There was a hairy spot that I thought probably could stand to be revised a bit, and the ending seemed to be not-quite-there.  But whatever, it was 2 a.m., and I was exhausted.  So I called it a night.

Then tonight, I went back to Chapter Five to proofread before sending it along to my critique partners.  I was reading along. . .loved it, loved it, “Hey, this Trig stuff looks pretty convincing!”  And then Big Dramatic Moment— “wow, this is actually pretty tense, pretty good!”—and suddenly, “WHAT?!  That’s IT?!”

I hadn’t finished the scene.  I’d done one of those annoying things authors sometimes do, where they end the scene just when it’s getting really, really good, leaving the reader feeling cheated and annoyed.

They wimp out.

I hate when authors do that, and I’d just done it!  Oh, it’s so easy to wimp out!  Don’t want to have to really face this Big Dramatic Moment and follow through with the emotions of your point-of-view character?  No problem, just end the scene before it’s actually over.

Nuh-uh.  No way.  Not in my novel!

So I pushed myself.  I worked really, really hard, and I finished the scene, finished the chapter.

I don’t know.  Maybe it’s terrible.  But at least it’s complete.  No one is going to read it and say, “What?!  That’s IT?!” and feel cheated.  Yes, of course I am biased like crazy, this being my own novel and all, but I truly believe my Big Dramatic Scene is much, much stronger now that I’ve pushed myself past wimp-out and worked to give a satisfactory ending to it.

I love when I manage to surprise myself like that.  I can now go to bed happy!

Discovery: Part Two

This came to me Sunday night at Mass as I listened about the feeding of the five thousand.  One boy’s small offering, transformed into a substantial meal for all those people.  We do what we can, we give what we have and offer it to the Lord, and He transforms it into something that will glorify Himself, bless others, and bring us closer to Him and closer to holiness.

What does this have to do with writing a book? 

It’s this: writing a book is about taking an idea, whatever writing talent one possesses, and pen and paper; writing and writing and writing, keeping the faith that somehow you’ll end up with something halfway decent that you’ll be able to turn into a real book; keeping the faith that God will bless your efforts and turn your pathetic offerings into something others will want to read, something others will read and be touched by.

It’s this:  You write a book to learn how to write a book. And you write a book to discover what that book is really about.  Heather Sellers says this in her absolutely fabulous book, Chapter After Chapter: Discover the Dedication and Focus You Need to Write the Book of Your Dreams.  (I can’t recommend this book enough to any aspiring novelist; it is the most inspiring writing book I have ever read.)  You write a book to learn how to write a book, and you write a book to discover what that book is really about.

Suddenly, I’m getting it.  Five chapters and 170-some pages into my novel, I see what she means. 

I’ve had this idea for a novel in my head for about 17 years.  I’ve plotted it off and on, written it off and on, for soooo long.  Never really got anywhere, though.  Fear got the best of me.  Perhaps you know how that is. 

Why then, did I suddenly find myself writing it, “for real?”  Lots of reasons.  I’ll tell you some other time.  But I’m doing it; I’m writing.  And I am astounded.

Astounded by the fact that my writing improves a little bit every day—just a little tiny bit, but improve it does.  I’m astounded by the discovery that I can only truly understand my characters when I am writing the book.  Not when I am plotting the book—when I am writing the book.  And I’m astounded to realize that the book I am writing may, in fact, not be the book I thought I was going to write.

You learn how to write a book by writing one—not by reading about writing or by thinking about a story, but by actually writing.  And in that process of writing a book to learn how to write a book, you learn who your characters are and what their story really is; you don’t really know what the book is all about until the first (or maybe second or third) draft is finished.  Heady stuff!

I’ve dubbed my first-draft-writing technique “dump.”  Sounds horrid, doesn’t it?  But that’s what it is.  Dump everything onto the page.  Don’t write total crap, if you can help it, but get the whole story out there, onto the paper.  Everything in my head, everything I’ve plotted, everything that comes up as I go along.  Down it goes.  Then, months down the road, when I’ve got the entire story told, when it exists as a real thing on paper and not just in my head, then will be the time to cut/trim/pare down/etc.  Because then and only then will I really know what my book is all about.

So this is me, writing:  Sit with red binder and looseleaf notebook paper.  Pick up Pentel RSVP fine-point black-ink pen (it’s really messy, but I love it).  Write by hand, 25 to 35 pages.  Call it a chapter.  Read it over, proofread/edit/revise.  Type it up.  Read it over again.  Proofread/edit/revise.  Send to three friends for critique:  Jenny, my writing buddy, who is also writing a novel; Barb, an old college roommate, also a writer; and Sabrina, my dearest friend in the world, whose letters and e-mails and blog posts bring joy to my day and whose taste in books is nearly impeccable.

These friends keep me motivated with their encouraging comments.  They let me know when I’m writing clichéd fluff.   It’s so easy to write clichéd fluff.  They let me know when my voice is off, when my sentences are convoluted and difficult to understand, and when I’ve taken far to long to make a point.

I love those gals!  I’m counting on their insight, both now and down the road, as I figure out just what I’m meant to be doing with this novel idea of mine. 

Sometimes I lose faith.  I think, “What is the point of writing this?  The idea is stupid—so stupid—no one will ever want to read this; perhaps not even me.”  But if it wasn’t worth writing, worth reading, then why hasn’t the idea just disintegrated?  I have to believe it has some value, or else it wouldn’t be haunting me all this time.  Over and over, I’ve felt like God was prodding me to write it.  Over and over, I’ve said, “Okay”. . .dipped my toe in, and then fled the scene.

No longer.  I’m writing now.  But I’ve had to put away a lot of old fears in order to be able to do this.  I’ll talk about those fears in a different post.  Who wants to think about fears right now?  I’ve got a chapter to finish!

The Simple Woman’s Daybook

FOR TODAY – Monday, July 27, 2009

Outside My Window… Sunny but overcast skies.  The peppers, tomatoes, and nasturtiums on my back porch need to be watered.

I am thinking… About my husband.  He left for jury duty early this morning, and I am waiting to hear if he’ll be called to serve.  I hope he is safe and not too bored, if he is even still there at the courthouse.

I am thankful for… My blog.  I’ve been away from it for some time, only dropping in once in a great while to write something inconsequential.  Despite my neglect, it is still here for me, and I am looking forward to spending more time with it in the future!

From the kitchen… Cold cereal for breakfast.  Tonight I’m trying a new recipe—Chili Chicken and Pasta—for supper.  If it’s good, I will post the recipe!

I am wearing… Khaki shorts, an orange-red T-shirt.

I am creating… Chapter Five of my first novel.  The last scene is giving me fits, but I’m having a great time with it!

*****Big interruption for a phone call from a good friend.  Had such a lovely chat!*****

I am going… To have to upload some photos from my camera onto the computer, otherwise I won’t have a good picture thought for you.

I am reading… BEYOND THIS MOMENT by Tamera Alexander

I am hoping… For better sleep tonight.  My brain was going in too many directions last night and the room was too warm; I tossed and turned and woke up feeling groggy.

I am hearing… SpongeBob SquarePants on TV, music from some game on the other computer.

Around the house… It’s almost lunchtime.  My 8-year-old is doing the “cooking!”  There are waaay too many toys on the floor in the living room.  Looks like a tornado blew through here!

One of my favorite things… Going to the beach at St. George Island.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Clean bathrooms, rake pine needles in my yard, and type up the next chapter of my novel.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing…

The beach at St. George Island State Park, Florida

Be sure to visit Peggy to read more daybooks and/or get the guidelines so you can participate, too!

Discovery: Part One

I’ve been thinking it’s time to either pay attention to my blog or call it curtains. 

What, after all, is there left for me to say?  You’ve all seen photos of my kids, my yard, my flowers.  You’ve heard about my favorite books and been subject to waaaaay too many rambling posts about my faith and/or confusion about said topic.  And you know, if you’ve been following me for a while, how some of those posts have caused dissention between my friends and me, my husband and me.  What’s left to write?

Especially since my mind is so currently busy penning my first novel.  I send lengthy e-mails to my closest friends about my novel. . .and I think they are probably tired of hearing about it.

So.  DUH.  Part one of my “discovery” is that I should blog about my experience with writing a novel.  No, not to bore you with details of the plot; but rather, to give you a glimpse into the process.

Really, though, this isn’t about you at all, so if you don’t want or need a glimpse into my novel-writing mind, feel free to “X out,” as my boys say.  Really, this is for me.  So I can get this stuff out of my head in a way that won’t bore my poor friends—or should I say, make them feel obligated to read things they may find boring.

I will be making changes to this blog over the next several days and weeks, to reflect my new focus.  Just so you know, if you care. 

~ Kimberly

Upon a Quick Stop in to Search for an Old Post. . .

I was inspired to write bad poetry. . .

* * *

Poor beautiful, poor neglected,
Poor unfortunate blog.

You look really nice,
but you’re such a time hog.

If I wasn’t penning a novel,
I’d keep you up to date.

Blog sweet, blog impatient,
You’ll just have to wait!

Lent

Hello, Friends!

Hope you are having a beautiful Lenten season so far.  Mine has been a busy one, with my husband out of town for a few days last week; some illness in the family (colds, flu, the usual winter stuff); working on my novel; keeping up with the daily Mass readings.

I got word this past week that one of the deacons at my parish is leaving.  I don’t know the details, but I believe he must have gotten a new job.  He was the primary teacher of my RCIA class, and he’s also the one who worked with my husband and me to get our marriage validated in the Church so I could receive the sacraments.  Through all this, he became a friend of sorts to me, and I am very sad to see him go.   I wish him well.

I know this isn’t much, but I just wanted to drop in and let you know I’m still alive.  Very happy, very busy, very much alive!

God’s blessings on each of you.

~ Kimberly

Guilt Post

What a bad blogger I’ve been.

I’ve been completely busy writing my novel—the one I started plotting about 17 years ago—and have had no desire to blog at all. I haven’t even been READING, and if you know me, you know that’s totally bizarre, because normally I have my nose stuck in a book practically 24/7.

I’m sorry to be such a disappointment to my very few blog “fans.” (Bless your hearts!, as my friend Jenny would say!) I don’t know when I’ll get back in the swing of this. Maybe something will come to mind and I’ll just *have* to blog about it. Or maybe I will not be in the mood again until after I finish my novel’s first draft.

In the meantime, please accept my apologies. I do feel guilty, but I’m having too much fun writing my book to really do anything about it just now.

I hope you are all well. If you’re on my blog roll, I will try to visit you soon.

~ Kim

Blast from the Past

Hey, remember ROLLER SKATING????

Today we went to Skate World to attend a birthday party for one of Urban’s friends.  The last time I was in a roller rink was when some friends and I went to our high school Christmas formal in 10th or 11th grade—how sad that I can’t even remember which, but in any case, no skating was actually involved.  The last time I wore a pair of roller skates, I was probably in 6th or 7th grade!  (I was a decent skater, though I always felt more comfortable in ice skates.  It’s only been 12 years since I last ice-skated.)

I didn’t actually skate today.  Most of the parents didn’t.  Our poor babies needed us to be stable on our feet.  None of my boys had been skating before, so they needed lots and lots of help.  (Urban was so bad at it at first that one of the rink refs came over and offered him a ticket for a free skating lesson!)  My helpfulness, I’m sorry to report, was dubious.  At one point, Urb lost his balance and grabbed for me, started to fall, and then took me down with him.  Ouch!  But we laughed.  He has a good-sized bruise on his right knee as a result, though.

I have to say that the roller skating rink in my hometown was, at least when I knew it, quite a bit nicer than the one we were at today.  But then, the 70s and 80s were kind of the “heyday” of roller skating.  Places like Smart Skate could afford coat hooks above the carpeted benches and a real d.j. to play the tunes (and even take requests!).

But some things never change.  Today, they even did the “Hokey Pokey.”

Oh, the memories….

Dear Friends,

Happy Holidays! 

I hope you are all ready for Christmas—or at least feeling at peace about your current level of “readiness.”  We here at Echowood are ready and very excited (the kids especially, of course).  This is actually something of an oddity for us—to feel and be ready for Christmas when it comes.  Ever since moving to the South, it’s been hard to register the reality of holiday time.  How can one sing, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” when it’s 80° out?  Because of this, time seems to get away from us, and too much gets done last-minute.

Not this year, though.  We were fortunate enough to have a Parents’ Day Out through church, so we could drop the boys off and get almost all our shopping done.  Another day, they all went to a friends’ home for the afternoon so we could finish up—we even had a chance to have lunch out together (just the two of us, imagine that!) and get groceries, too.  We put our tree up over Thanksgiving weekend.  How on the ball was that?  Last night we went to see all the beautiful lights at a local park, and today we decorated cookies.  I’ve been doing the daily Advent Scripture readings, which really helps keep my mind focused on the reason for the season, as they say.  Brian and the boys have been doing an Advent calendar—a really beautiful one that he got for them, with little doors to open and magnetic figures to add to the scene each day.  Tomorrow little Levi will get to put up the Baby Jesus.  It always gives me pause during Holy Communion at Christmas to remember that our Savior began as we all did, as a tiny little baby; yet he was born to give His Body and Blood for us. 

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  We’re trying to get the boys to clean up their playroom now, rather than putting it off ’til tomorrow, as we’d like that day to be busy with fun things and attending services at church.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a note to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!  May you have a beautiful and blessed holiday.

~ Kimberly

Recipe: Cranberry Coffee Cake

My mom shared this recipe with me years ago.  It’s perfect to make around the holidays, when cranberries are so readily available at all the grocery stores.  I like to stock up and freeze them, so I can make this wonderful coffee cake year-round.  It’s a special treat for breakfast—or anytime!—and definitely goes great with coffee.

Cranberry Coffee Cake

1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

1 cup butter, softened

1-1/2 cups sugar

1-1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 eggs

2-1/4 cups flour

1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 cups cranberries (fresh; if frozen, thaw before using)

1/2 cup chopped nuts

In mixing bowl, cream butter, sugar, cream cheese, and vanilla.  Add eggs and mix well.  Add flour, baking powder, and salt; mix well.  Stir in cranberries and nuts.

Pour into well-greased bundt ban.  Bake at 350° for 65-70 minutes, or until wooden toothpick comes out clean.

Cool for 5-10 minutes.   Remove from pan.  (You will probably need to run a knife around the edges in order to get it to come out.  I did a poor job of this last time and the cake stuck pretty badly, which is why I have no photo of it to share with you!)

When completely cooled, glaze with the following recipe.

Glaze:

3 tablespoons butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Powdered sugar (1-2 cups)

Milk to thin, as needed (2-3 tablespoons)

Put all ingredients in a medium-sized mixing bowl.  Mix thoroughly, then drizzle over the top of the coffee cake.  It makes a lot, so you can really load it on if you’re a big fan of glaze/frosting.  The cake itself has a fair amount of sweetness, but it’s still pretty tart without the glaze, so don’t be stingy!